ROADS...by vaughn shepherd and stu strang...1979

i took my aunt flourie to the

45 minute gospel hour



this courageous black man sand a song entitled ROADS


( and that is exactly what i did )

AUNT FLOURIE , 1979

...i played CHRIS de BURGH for my old baptist aunt FLOURIE

...she began to bind the devil and all his powers

...then she shook her head...grabbed a pork chop...and hit me right in the face as i was changing the record...



...(well...not quite) .

summer 1967... or so...

grandma placed a DICK TRACY game...

on top of my and my brother's pillow...



she loved my brother...which made her an honest to god saint .

summer 1972...or 1973

i scratched my name in the sand...

and it somehow appeared on my testicles...



we went to see godzilla on hot hot summer night .

THE CAT THIEF...1974 - 1976

...my brother used to shoot cats...( he was a man of questionable values )...

my 80 year old aunt would kidnap them...and he , unknowing to her , would knock them off ...


quite the pair , actually .

GIRLFRIEND...APRIL 1978

my first girlfriend referred to me as a HUNGRY DEVIL...thing is...

if i was hungry...i was too preoccupied to notice...and , as for the devil thing...


i still figure that that was a lucky guess .

JUNE 1974...Le MARCHANT SCHOOL

when i graduated from grade six...

i was sick and the universe was full of seagulls



crazy eyes, are seagull eyes , and i hid under the covers  

BIBLE SCHOOL KITTY

...i sat behind her in bible school...she wore this coconut perfume

...that made me harder than the 10 commandments



...i bought my girlfriend some for a present...nothing tastes better than coconut  pie !!!

MY DOG , CANDY

in her latter years , candy would growl when i took her to the park late at night...

but then she would hop off the bed , light up a smoke , polish off a ''40 ouncer''...



stagger to her leash...fall down the steps...and off we would go to point pleasant park .

DAWN WAS BLONDE

dawn was blonde...

she played the classical guitar...



when we went swimming she left it back on shore with the jellyfish and sea shells .

JUNE , 1978...THE GRADUATION DANCE

...the night of the larry holmes / ken norton fight

...was the graduation of my beloved  SWAMP CREATURE



...she wined and abused through the entire 15 rounds that i missed .

TRUE LOVE...APRIL 1978

there was true love...

but the elves murdered the ferries...



and shit-eater indulged in the sin of gluttony and pancake throwing .  

CANDY...# 2 VERSION

in her older days , candy would growl when i took her to the park at night

but then she would fall off the bed , light up a cigarette

finish off 40 ounces of rum...and trip all the way down the steps   , out the door

THE LADY...

...this lady wanted to seduce me in the wash room

...i told her to go home and ask her husband

...that if it were all right with him it was all right with me .

SUMMER 1993...WILDLIFE PARK

...i went to the park with my friend

...i cannot remember the animals



...or the model of alien space craft that hovered above us with glowing lights .

THE CAT...2012 ???

...a friend's cat threatened to murder her kids

...i put the fucking thing in a box



...and dropped it off at the near - by brewery  and whore house .

debbie and i in p .p. .p...march , 1980

...debby made sandwiches

...i forget the kind of bread she used



...we lost touch like our fingers fell to the ground like pineapples .

darryl...dec . 1979 p.p.p.

...darryl fell into the water

...years later , he fell into a daughter




...both soft and moist and would easily bend...but only one he could impregnate .

THE GATHERING...JULY 1979

the park was reserved for my favourite people...

they threw balls at prancing squirrels...



i threw up outside the shit house as angels looked for an air conditioner .

POCKET PUSSY...JAN . 12 , 2015

i am an ordained minister and members of my congregation bought me...

a super -dooper wack 'em sack ' em pocket pussy for my  birthday...




now , before you judge me...you should know that it didn't need any batteries .

GRADUATION DAY...1989 , DECEMBER

it was BIBLE COLLEGE graduation day in australia...

i grabbed a bottle of wine , took off my clothes and went skinny dipping...



two hours later...i noticed that i was the only one naked  , including the faculty .

OZZY OZBORNE...MAY , 2016

i bought an ozzy osborne  eight c.d. set...

the price...get this... 666...( the number of the beast , for you non-biblical people )...




anyway , i played it backwards and it told me to eat my vegetables and drink lots of milk...

THE RAIN FOREST...AUSTRALIA , 1989

mitch and i would take turns hanging on the roof rack...

we would speed through the tropical rain forest...



we would pass chubracobras like they were fidgeting with their balls .

CHURCH AND CHURCH ACTIVITIES...1982

i took this PASSIONATE  LOVER OF CATS out for an ice cream after ''church''...

i was later...much later...to discover out that my brother shot his cat right between the eyes...



through this we learned two things : one...my brother was a ''dick''...two...my brother was a good shot...half full...half empty .

THE CONDOM MYSTERY ...1994

this old dingbat...(  i am being nice )...entered the church and found a used condom in the centre isle...

she screamed...her underwear turned yellow...her magic tits fell to the ground  like junked - up aliens from the planet WEIRD-O...



i got blamed for it...like the time i got blamed for the german shepherd...throwing up half way down the block on the holiday of FESTIVES... ( that was one hell of a FESTIVES , regardless ) .

AN OLD FRIEND...MARCH 2016

this fellow walked up to me and asked me if i were stu strang...

i nodded my head and he thanked me for saving his hide from...whoever...back in the early 80's .



i asked him if i could have a chocolate bar and a bag of chips .

SAYING GOOD-BY TO KARON ...DECEMBER 1989

i never knew love was a fleeting thing...

i thought fleets of ships were fleeting things...



we sat on the curb...got drunk and smoked a hole in the universe...sorta .

TROUT FISHING...1974

...in grade six i went trout fishing...for trout... in a lake

...i used my book of trout spells and trout mating calls on the little fuckers




...i left with the flue , a soar left nut...and slightly less fishing equipment  in my tackle box .

MY UNIVERSITY LIFE...1980 - 1984

i didn't find university parties very exciting...

i figured i would be better off if i bought my own private monkey...



and played with it in the corner of the milky way...or something...

ME , A GRASSHOPPER...AND THE LATE 60'S...

when i was a boy i played with grasshoppers...

when i was 16 i played with tits...



in the final analysis...there wasn't a whole lot of difference .

THE NUDE PICTURES...PART 2

...about 20 years after having my pictures confiscated by the minister's daughter...i am in art school , and guess who is drawing me naked ???

...yup , the religious titan who crusades for jeans and wool and a better way of life




...she asks me if she should tell her father , the monk...i just shrug my shoulders...my ass hole smiles like a newly born solar system .

ORDINATION CELEBRATION 1997

it was my ordination , celebration , consummation , proclamation...

i pulled my pants down and i wiggled my bum upon the pound cake...



then i took a piece and threw it at a boy , sitting on the steps...just to try out my magic powers...( got him in the head ) .

THE NUDE PICTURES...PART ONE...1984

when i went to have a pee , the minister's daughter looked inside my shopping bag...

there she found nude pictures...the kind with no clothes on...



point...these dumb shits...THE CHURCH-A-HOLICS...deemed the naked body sinful...and looking through people's shit...a reasonable pass time .

BAT STEW ...1974

i walked out of class...and there behind a bush were 30 or so kids...

waiting to beat the fuck out of me...




so i did what BATMAN would do...pulled out my penis...and pissed all over them .

CONFESSION...JULY 1979

...in the final analysis , you will realize

...people's spirituality is about as deep as the distance between their hand and their penis



...make your confessions under water in the lake...where nobody can hear you peel yourself away .

CANDY , MY AMERICAN FRIEND...

i would walk candy to the park every night...

or sometimes to the elementary school where i would read the bible and drink chocolate milk...



candy was a spaniel that smoked hash...but she liked people even more .