FAMILY GATHERING...SUMMER 1968 or 1969

...i remember the bucket of chicken in the back yard



...how it seemed to fly away as my brother slowly became a sex maniac



...i sat quietly with my drum stick as the media discovered



... that everything they knew about dinosaurs was wrong .

MY FATHER 1962 - 1970

...my father was a weatherman



...his favourite prediction



...was mean and cold



...with some afternoon : " go fuck yourself ''

SOMETIME IN 1974 - 1975

my great aunt walks into my brothers bedroom...



there are pictures of naked women posted all over the walls...



he is smoking a joint...



...'' want some ??? " , he says as he blows the smoke across the room ,

BILLIONS TO ONE

i threw my raquet at the tennis ball...



there were no flying rats to be found...



anyway , it hit the fucking thing...



and fell like a testicle to the ground .

...my terrier...

i had a vision of my dog being hit by a car...

i prayed she would survive...

not long after , she was pummelled by some silly fucker in a pick-up ...

the dr. even said she recited the bible on the operating table .  

CAMP BROWN SQUIRREL 1987

...there i was...lying in the woods...fucking paralysed



...BUT WAIT...there is my old friend mr. squirrel...



...'' hello , mr. squirrel '' , he looks at me as if to say...''go fuck yourself ''...



...and flings a turd in my general direction .

THE SPARTAN...2000 - 2010...give or take...

i ate at THE SPARTAN...


i washed their dishes...served their coffee...


shovelled their sidewalk...cleaned the tables...


i even made love to their bacon in the back room .

THE RED FALCON...1978 -1981

the red falcon...

hovered around the burning campfire...

as the camp songs rolled off our lips...

and the hash brownies meandered through our brains . 

MY ONE EXPERIENCE WITH PORN...1989

...my one experience with porn...FAILED MISERABLY



...it was a 300 pound crazy woman



...slapping her tits until they got stuck in her make-up



...complete with background howling wolves .

SATURDAY NIGHT PING PONG...1972 - 1974

ping pong in grade six...



my opponents fall like flies...



i strike like a baboon...



there is shit all over the wall .

BEING JUDGEMENTAL...1966-1970

we grew up on a diet of THE BANANA SPLITS and THE MONKEES...



their attempt to make STUPID into an art form...



was right up there...



with sending men to the moon .  

BATMAN...1967-1970

...i wanted a BATMAN t-shirt



...with a picture of BATMAN on it



...maybe sucking off THE JOKER



...or bowling , or something .

THE ANGEL...MAY 1979

...an angel flew into my bedroom...



turned on some music...



offered me a smoke...



then said...BE GOOD AND DON'T BE STUPID .

LEMARCHANT...1972 - 1974

...my grade five teacher



...told me and the other kids to square dance



...''dance , you miserable fuckers'' , she said



...as the clock moved like a chicken above the door .

second year poetry...1981 -1982

this fellow i know...



thinks that walt whitmen sucks...



i once saw walt whitmen's tits...



not that that has anything to do with it .

tobogganing in grade 12...

it was a snowy day in geography class...



but the roof kept most of it out...



we met at the hill to do our best james dean...



if my dog new , she would be be jealous .