SUMMER TRAINING 1979 / LABRADOR TEA

...she bent like an erotic pickle and picked it up...she let me rub  it on my nipples

...i made it into tea and i stirred it with a buffalo erection

...the hummingbird was upside down...or was it the rest of us ???

WE ARE - LESBIANS...JAN . 1988

...nothing turns me on like a lesbian...

...especially one that is rather tall and spells lesbian with a silent '' L '' .




...give me a campfire , a lesbian and a bag of chips .

POCKET PUSSY JUNE / 2016

-i asked the pocket pussy saleslady

-what she thought of the short blue one



-she just laughed and walked away .

A HAND JOB AT SUMMER CAMP...1987

...i wrote this song...''chucky gets a hand job in the chapel''
...chucky was pissed...shows you what i know


and , by the way...i am sure god has a sense of humour

...on the way to squirrel lake...june 30 1979

in the middle of the river , i found a golden knife

the water reflected like jesus's smile



it told me i had three wishes , but non of them counted .

50 miles north east of the drewling dragon

- i was lost in turnip lake

- everything lost will bee recovered


- but there doesn't seem to be a coast line , nor a masturbatorium .

JULY 1979...MY SINGING DEBUT

...if you have ever heard the sound of a fox eating a rabbit...you have heard me sing

...the sound echoed like the shaking of a can of eternity



...as it falls to the bottom of the lake , being chewed by giant eels .

POPE TOURS NOVA SCOTIA...1984

...my girlfriend opened for the pope...( juggled rabbits or something )

...eddy van halen was there...he broke a string and shat his pants

...i think all three of them were high...but i wasn't invited...they said my dick wasn't long enough .

babe...1996

-we rented BABE...the definitive pig movie

-he was one smart fucking pig , i will tell you


-but it was all bullshit...in real life...they would have killed him if he had fucked up .

august 1980

-there be tits flying across the late summer sky

-as we sit on the beach and hold each other like blueberries



.a shooting star is not an ejaculation...but it will do .

SNOW STORM... WINTER 1982

- snow is best when falling at night

- people when they are looking across the harbour

-listening to dan fogelburg as the seals fuck out a new universe that hangs like sagging tits as god pulls his plough across the sky .


-everything...it is all greek to me , baby !!!  

NEW YEARS EVE...1978 - 1980

-the chinese would listen to my jesus story every new years

-then , when everyone was in tears


-i would beat the fuck out of them in ping - pong...crush their nuts like a rotten banana .

SWEATING IN THE HOT DOGS...JAN . 1988

i was working in a hot dog stand in townseville , australia ...

100 or so australians lined up , cursing at me , calling me names...


WHY ??? good question...because i was sweating in their fucking hot dogs , that's fucking why !!! better than spitting...but not much !!!

the tennis competition...july 1980

...i won the competition

...but my girl , she had gone



...i pissed on the audience just to show them i was still in control .

THE LOON...1978 AND THEN SOME

i wake up in the morning and swallow the crack to the shy ...

there are a few clouds that look like stoned poodles...



then there is the loon...just fucking around...as the sun hangs like a yellow glowing testicle dancing on the horizon .

destiny...january 1974

the three parts of the individual...1 )...the person they are...2)...the road they take...3)...the state of the spirit and soul along the journey .

...this will determine your destination .

WHAT IS FLARMOLOGY ??? DEC , 24 1989

what is flarmology ??? it is sex , spirit and mind and soul...

after the bullshit is flushed like a dead rodent...



the best bit ??? watching people crap themselves when they read it  and realize that the world wasn't quite as round as they had figured .