COMING HOME...DEC . 24 1089

-when i came home from australia , my dog peed herself

-and in that puddle i found an ocean of joy

-where many people would attempt to drown me

MY FAVOURITE 4 MONTHS...SEPT . / DEC . 1987

-i would walk to the shopping mall , i don't know...three miles away or so

-me and my faithful friend ,  bingo...would hustle the little fuckers at board hockey

-lure them into a false sense of security...then pounce and grab like an excommunicated catholic caveman   on two for one day


-i was bubble hockey king shit .

DECEMBER 1989 , HALIFAX SHOPPING CENTRE

-we will re-set your nuts and get you stoned on shame

-free ice cream cone included if you don't piss in your seat


-ice cream additional cost...unless you can lick it out of your ass while singing hymn 27 from the blue hymn book .  

SHE WAS MY FIRST...APRIL 1978

...and i remember coming home from her apartment , thanking GOD

...and MRS . GOD...just in case .

SUMMER 1978...TENNIS

along with 1975...the sunniest summer of my life...and the wins and the hand jobs were in abundance .


warning...you are better off if you don't attempt both at the same time .

WINDSOR CLASS ''A''...1977

every tennis player wants to be a rock and roll star...which , of course , involves...being an idiot when someone lets you camp out in their nice , country clubhouse .

good news...no animals were hurt .

MY BROTHER'S FUNERAL

my brother's funeral was in the middle of the woods...

my drunken father sat beside me in the car screaming at me to go faster...


i said...''father , i can't hit the raccoon...it's in the fucking tree ''...but he would not
take ''no'' for an answer .