SOMETIME IN 1974 - 1975

my great aunt walks into my brothers bedroom...



there are pictures of naked women posted all over the walls...



he is smoking a joint...



...'' want some ??? " , he says as he blows the smoke across the room ,

BILLIONS TO ONE

i threw my raquet at the tennis ball...



there were no flying rats to be found...



anyway , it hit the fucking thing...



and fell like a testicle to the ground .

...my terrier...

i had a vision of my dog being hit by a car...

i prayed she would survive...

not long after , she was pummelled by some silly fucker in a pick-up ...

the dr. even said she recited the bible on the operating table .  

CAMP BROWN SQUIRREL 1987

...there i was...lying in the woods...fucking paralysed



...BUT WAIT...there is my old friend mr. squirrel...



...'' hello , mr. squirrel '' , he looks at me as if to say...''go fuck yourself ''...



...and flings a turd in my general direction .

THE SPARTAN...2000 - 2010...give or take...

i ate at THE SPARTAN...


i washed their dishes...served their coffee...


shovelled their sidewalk...cleaned the tables...


i even made love to their bacon in the back room .

THE RED FALCON...1978 -1981

the red falcon...

hovered around the burning campfire...

as the camp songs rolled off our lips...

and the hash brownies meandered through our brains . 

MY ONE EXPERIENCE WITH PORN...1989

...my one experience with porn...FAILED MISERABLY



...it was a 300 pound crazy woman



...slapping her tits until they got stuck in her make-up



...complete with background howling wolves .